I’ve been thinking that I believe all human beings harbor kind of a primal trauma. I think the moment of birth is the first initial, the initiation, the agony of separation, the first time in which we experience fragmentation from being in a kind of cosmic merger with the divine being, with a Goddess, with our mother, for all of a sudden, trembling naked before the cosmos and I think that primal trauma, I think that initial separation, leaves us all with a intermittent PTSD.
I think that we carry the scars from birth and these fears, these traumas, resurface at pivotal periods of our lives. I think a lot of the patterns in our romantic life in particular, reflect this primal trauma, and reflect this fear of abandonment. I know in my own romantic life, I tend to idealize romantic partners. I tend to turn them into Goddesses in order that they can serve as conduits for that divine merger, for that return to the womb with a view, so to speak, before that primal trauma and so what’s really interesting is that we spend our lives perpetually re-enacting these traumatic experiences. Without ever realizing where they stem from, in order to address them and potentially, heal them.
It’s why we make such a failure of our romantic undertakings and why most people lead lives of quiet desperation. I think the fear of loneliness; I think the cosmic fear of polluting our romantic lives in ways that we don’t often address and so, the question becomes that is there a solution? Is there a kind of journey of transformation, our own version of the eat pray love undertaking, where we learn to become whole on our own. So that meaning somebody else becomes an additive, a supplement, rather than a feeling of a vacuum so to speak and it’s a journey, I haven’t quite figured out, you know, meandering walks on the beach and contemplative introspection is just one way of trying to find an answer to the question that drives us and I haven’t figured it out!