Attraction is a very complicated thing, and more than often it’s confusing to us and others around us by the way we’re attracted to some people.
Opposites attract, they say, but why do they really?
Science confirms that yes, everyone does have a ‘type’ when it comes to attraction in people and for this experiment different surveys were conducted to see what kind of faces people are attracted to and other details.
Out of this study and more, the thing concluded is that these ‘type’s and the preferences we have when it comes to other people, most of these are the result of perceptions and wiring that’s happened already in your early childhood.
Most of us have felt a spark with someone we knew wasn’t right for us. We may even notice a pattern of selecting people who are precisely wrong for us. Too often we fail to acknowledge, or even notice, the less favorable qualities that are luring us toward certain choices—subtle characteristics that are drawing us in. Without knowing why, many of us aren’t just attracted to certain people despite their negative traits, but because of them.
And to understand why we’re drawn to the people we are, we have to understand a basic law of attraction:
We choose people whose defenses fit with ours.
But how is that?
If we protect ourselves by being quiet or withdrawn, we may choose partners who are more pursuing and aggressive. If we are insecure or clingy, we may choose partners who are aloof or less available—people we have to chase.
If our defense is to try to control everything around us, we may choose a partner who is passive and eager for guidance. In a sense, we fit with these people not because their patterns perfectly complement ours, allowing us to get closer, but because the way our defenses line up actually sustains our individual defenses and serves to keep each of us at a certain, safe distance.
The reason we keep winding up with the same type of person, or stuck in the same dynamic, dates back to our earliest relationships. As young children, we developed defenses to cope with painful or frustrating circumstances (the wiring I mentioned). Growing up, our defenses become strong, believing them to be part of our personality. If we formed negative ideas about ourselves—for instance that we’re unattractive or undesirable—we now seek out people whose behavior will support these beliefs.
It’s all a really big link of our desires and perceptions and experiences from our childhood reflecting on our older self, and on the decisions we make, the ideas we develop, and the people we find attractive as our ‘type’. Basically, we choose partners, then, who reinforce familiar attitudes we’ve long had toward ourselves.
This is a very wide concept of study on just this small part of the way our brain works but in a nutshell, at least we have an answer to this question that do we have an actual type or is that just another urban myth, and the answer is yes, you do. But how right is your type for you? That is something I’m afraid no one can definitely answer for you. That’s something every person needs to figure out for themselves.