Parlor Wali Aunty

In our life we all have important relationships, mother, father, sisters, friends, mates, children all of them are the soul of our lives, they make everything around us happen, they make every event possible and they are the reason we live. In a girl’s life, there is another crucial relationship which helps us maintain our glamour and self-image in our lives and make us acceptable in the cruel standards of the society. You must be wondering who is that someone special in our lives. Yes, the girls got it right! It’s our “parlor wali aunty”.

Nowadays, every nook and hook of our tows and mohallas have an allotted parlor wali aunty, they have just assigned some of their rooms for the maneuvers and armed operations to be done on the pity faces of the girls and women. If you have experienced a local parlor you know the ambiance. It has this one textured wall on one side and some real citric colored theme in the rest of the room. There are mirrors which look like the ones in the “naai ki Dukan”, many lights that are switched on and off according to the requirement that’s needed. For facials, the sun rays from the windows are often enough! Another special decoration here are some pictures of the owner aunty herself posed as some divine personality, caked in make-up done by herself, other than those there are posters of Bollywood actresses which leave us drenched in guilt. Then there are girls, the co-worker girls, which give you this look of misery, that makes you peel your skin off and get a new one.

So I went to one of these parlors on the premises of my mohalla, as nature continues to ruin my beauty by giving me unwanted hair everywhere on my body. Plus every single person around me notifying me of the fact that “Moonchain aagaie hain tmhari” meant that I couldn’t delay it further. So I went to remove the Padmavati-eyebrows and Master Shifu’s moustaches off my face.

I also had to get my arms and legs waxed because I didn’t wanted to look like an inhumane bear from The Jungle book. I grabbed the rate list and it was pretty reasonable so I decided to go for a “deep-cleansing” as well because “Naya Pakistan – Naya Munh” seemed like a nice quote to live by at the time. The parlour wali aunty mumbled that I don’t wax in the humid season because it doesn’t stick on the… and then changed the sentence to, “achaa dekhti hu mn bethain aap”. She got this ant-infused wax, which wasn’t even warm and started placing it on my arms ripping it off with some jeans cloth. The results, well, it didn’t even stick and my arms are like this now:

Next, we moved to the “deep- cleansing”, she wore some gloves to make the process look clean, but trust me that was not “clean” she mixed all the stuff, and haphazardly mixed it all over my face, she didn’t even let me breath by putting the cleanser in (yeah literally in) my nose. I left that chair, that dammed chair after an hour and recited “Surah Fatiha”, thanking Lord for rescuing me safely from the torture I was stuck in.

Honestly, I seriously think, that there should be a standard qualification, like country-wide or any international standard for the parlor wali aunties to get before they are allowed to open the saloons, because they literally take advantage of your “grown-moustache” and “less-groomed” summer face situation and instead of polishing you, they make you a wreck.


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