Well, it is an undoubtedly widely held belief that if you want to raise your kids right you have to be strict with them. Showing the kids what discipline is by strict rules and not letting them get out of hands is the norm. Although the intention is always good but research shows that being overly strict is not the key to well-behaved children.
1. It makes kids rebellious
How this works is simple, if a person is forbidden to do something out of strictness they fail to create self-regulatory behavior. It manifests itself into rebellion in teenage and young adult years.
For example, we may harshly starve ourselves by extreme diet and then rebel by binge eating. This means we have not properly learnt to regulate our behavior even if we are the ones who are now as adults imposing the rules.
2. They don’t ‘actually’ learn self-discipline
For a temporary time period a strict rule or harshness may control behavior. But in the long run this pattern creates a kind of resistance in children for taking responsibility for themselves.
Kids don’t internalize discipline by WANTING to do it but only out of fear which lacks empathy, therefore is out of the locus of control of children. Fear is not a good tool to discipline them as it could develop bullying habits as when the kids see their parents yell or use force, the kids could also learn to do the same.
3. They follow orders and don’t think for themselves
When they are adults they may follow what others are doing especially in a peer group because they have been programmed to follow orders of the authority believing power is always right. They will therefore lack taking responsibility for their own actions.
4. It can develop depression tendencies
When the parent is too authoritarian, children lack a support system to help them learn and cope ‘difficult feelings’ that they are not mature enough to handle. They start feeling unacceptable and might feel lonely in figuring out their impulses.
5. It can affect Parent-Child relationship
When a relationship completely lacks empathy, both the parents and children don’t feel satisfied. It creates a certain gap and the children tend to fight with parents as they might start holding grudges and therefore become much more difficult to manage. The same grievance makes them to find love in other ways and sometimes wrong ways.
They best way is to set limits but with empathy so that the children don’t feel too distanced and can develop emotional self-discipline. To find that perfect balance between limits and empathy should be the new concern and in that figuring out the medium where kids can function at a high level in all aspects in present and later life.